My Biggest Failure As A Parent.

This is definitely a hard topic, by no means do I think I'm a terrible mom or anything, but I am sure there are better ways to tackle certain situations, but sometimes emotions are high, patience is short and frustration sets a bar at some crazy next level shit..... I am not kidding when I say that some days I feel like the universe is constantly playing a joke on me... I sit back and laugh at the chaos later, but during the moment I may just be pulling out my hair, clenching my teeth, sitting in my rage silently, hysterically laughing or in full out hulk mode.

I AM A YELLER. There I said it... is it funnier that I virtually yelled it at you? Maybe it's because my mother was a yeller, maybe it's because I can only say the same thing 3/4 times before I have to yell to feel like someone is actually listening to me, or maybe it's just because sometimes it seems like the only thing that works. When it was just Jersey, I never had to yell. That could possibly be because she was so young, sweet and innocent, but then went from 1.5 to 15 overnight in the dramatic stage once baby brother came into the picture. And well, he's a shit disturber on a whole other level. 

I never planned on being that crazy yelling mom. Honestly, before kids I was quite certain that if I was blessed with any, I'd NEVER, ever raise my voice - ever. It's quite hilarious all the things that I said I wouldn't do as a Mother, before coming a Mother (ever feel that way?) Many things have come back to bitch slap me across the face and bite my own ass ...ah well that's life isn't it? 

I'm not saying I fully hulk out on the daily, but I am sure there have been days when my neighbours have thought "WTF?" I don't yell about everything, well maybe some days it might seem like it's all I do, but how else do I get through to my little assholes? 

It's not like I am yelling for fun. It's a "I asked you to stop that 5 times, now STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" Maybe insert an f-bomb (oops) if I'm being real with you guys. But you see, I think I'm a good parent. And I think it's because I just want them to do better and just maybeeee I get frustrated easily when my kiddos don't live up to my expectations. They're called the terrible twos for a reason right? I can't be the only maniac mother dealing with demonic toddlers.... right?

I think I yell because the majority of the time I feel worn down. Trying to make sure they have everything they need ALL THE TIME is hard work. Sometimes mom guilt kicks in and I feel bad because I can't do more things at once, and trust me I can multi-task. Most days I just need an extra hand... or whole body. When it comes down to it, I think it's completely human that we lose it every once in a while. Like C'MON we can't be emotion-less, loveless zombies, we did create their life and they did come out of our hoohas. I think we love them so much, yet feel so much guilt at the same time because we get crazy overwhelmed and frustrated, then feel ashamed and embarrassed (vicious cycle folks).

Bottom line: I know I don't take enough time for myself, and go weeks, months, without a break from my crazies and it is hard AF. But at the same time, as soon as I get a break I miss them, you know? Mommying is hard, and if you're a yeller too, feeling all the mom guilt, just know you're not alone. Frustration is a bitch and wine always helps.

xoxo Jenn


  1. Did I write this? I could have because I had the exact same thoughts today and am in the exact same situation. Oh sucks! I hate yelling but I swear some days it is all that works! Why...why is that?! You aren't alone either girl...